I am an American born Trinidadian. My grandmother was born “Down the Islands” in Trinidad. She grew up eating fish and soaking up the sun on her family’s island with her parents and 6 siblings. She grew up there and had her firstborn there and only left after she was married. She lived in a few other islands before she migrated here to the USA and had my mom (my middle uncle was born on one of those island stops.) So, my mom is the only one in the family born on mainland US soil. She also had all of us here and this is where we lived, went to school, and worked. That being said, my mom always kept us close to our roots. We didn’t all walk around with thick accents, but we maintained the history, the music, and the food. My dad (step) was also a Trini. He met my mom “fresh off the boat” (a Floridian term for fresh immigrant) when I was almost one and they hit it off instantly. Or I should say WE hit it off because I was told to have called him ‘Daddy’ within just a couple of weeks. He became my daddy basically at that moment and I was raised by him and his family from then on. Everyone in his family immigrated here after that. His parents were already here in search of the American dream, but soon after his brother and sister would join us, and we would all become one big Trini family. We would start hanging out with other (outside the family) Trini’s and we would go to carnivals and other events. We ate my grandma’s authentic cooking every single day and I never knew anything different to complain about even if I wanted to.
I didn’t realize that I was different until 5th grade. I went to majorly Caribbean private school for most of my elementary years, and I even had some classes in Trinidad at 3 years old that taught me everything I needed to get a head start. It wasn’t until my first full year of American Public school that I realized I was different. I was black by any of my friends or teachers’ assumptions and there was never a reason for them to think anything else of me. One day my 5th-grade teacher (the first male teacher I had in my life) asked us to bring in our favorite song. I don’t really remember when or why but I had never been asked to do something so creative (f.ck you Phyl’s) and I was incredibly excited. I went home and asked my dad to lend me a CD with some of my favorites on it and I poured over the songs for days to decide on one. When I got to class and “Bonnie and Clyde” By Destra Garcia started playing, the entire classroom was SILENT and my teacher tried to play off his confusion. Noone had ever heard of calypso and didn’t understand why the black girl was playing it. Shortly after that, I discovered other types of music and expanded my definition of good music. I never gave up on soca, in fact, I did the same thing in 7th grade but this time I play “Trini to De Bone” By David Rudder, a Trini anthem. I was older and this was a music class and my teacher was amazing at teaching music appreciation, she loved the song and gave me praise, upping my confidence in being my own self.
When I was fourteen, I started to play mas. I had been to carnival as a child and I listen to all the music, so when my mom said me and my best friend could go and dress up, we jumped at the chance. We were young, MAYBE too young. We looked good, maybe too good. But we were with our families and we felt invincible! Right up until that last lap before we crossed the stage when we thought that maybe we would die from heat exhaustion or walking too much in the Miami sun, but that’s another story. Soon after that, once a year Miami carnival upped to 3+ festivals a year. I’d do a reggae fest in the early part of the year (usually my birthday,) then Best of the Best every May, then Carnival at the end of the year (October), and a few fetes in between. It was during one of the Best of the Best festivals that my respect for Niki Minaj died.
It was the last year Vybz Kartel was free. I remember this because the next Best of the Best (BOTB) he was “live via Satellite” and that was hilarious to me. I spent the following years saying I was going to be live via satellite whenever I couldn’t be there, and I wish I was. I also attended BOTB live via a satellite that year, meaning I did not go. BOTB was happening since I was a child and always had the biggest names in reggae perform. The year we started going with my mom was the year they decided to invite some American names to the mix. This wasn’t terrible for me as I listened to most genres, but I really preferred festivals to stay Caribbean-themed. Niki Minaj was an exception to my disdain, being that she was Trini and American. She was born in Trinidad but choose to speak without an accent and listen to and perform American Music instead of just soca. I felt she was providing representation to all the American Trini’s that felt they were Trini enough because they can’t name all the soca songs or because they didn’t speak with a sweet sing-song accent. I always hated the comparison of being too American for the Trini family and too foreign for the Americans. A common feeling for the children of immigrants or child immigrants themselves. Something I am sure Niki Minaj has also dealt with growing up.
To me, there is still always a level of pride in your roots. Even refugees have a love for their nationality and pride in where they came from (in some cases I’ve seen.) You don’t have to love your family, or your history or deny America to be proud of where you’re from, but Niki Minaj has shown no love for our country. Not by any Trini standards. During the BOTB festival, she was the only person on stage who did not bring their own flag. I have never met a Trini that didn’t have pride in the flag. I have always stopped and grabbed a new flag on my way to a carnival or any fete or festival. I always start my night with multiple and lose them all throughout a good night. It’s hot and the flag triples as representation, sweat control, and quick cleaning. When the beat hits and you want to ‘see my right hand’, my flag is there, but when ‘you make me wanna jump’, and I ‘faluma’ my waist and my head start sweating, I am using my flag to wipe myself down. So when Niki, took the stage and reached her lil self down to grab a flag from a man in the audience (which she did not return FYI,) I LOST IT. My 15-year self decided she wasn’t shit and I didn’t trust her anymore. She didn’t pass my vibe check.
Soon after this incident, Niki compared Trinidad to Syria and lost all the rest of my respect. She did make a video in Trinidad, but I can’t tell if she was taking advantage of the culture or if she was trying to kiss up. I hope and pray someone she trusts told her about herself and she came to realize that she is from the most culturally rich island in the Caribbean and she has the power to make it known for something beautiful. She has the ability to merge Trinidadian and American culture to create a vibe for all the misrepresented Trini-American children, but instead, she uses her power to protect pedophiles and call herself a Barbie.
And that’s why I hate Niki Minag*
*I know how to spell her name, but I am not trying to get shut down with my first post, ok? OK.
